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Location: Viljandi, Estonia

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Are you tired?


God, that photo really does seem two years old, at least. But it sort of captures how I feel most nights, especially Monday nights: tired.

Yesterday one of my big stories fell through and I had to work late and start again early to meet my deadline. It took my about two hours to get home, instead of the usual 1.25 hours, because there were big rallies here in New York yesterday and all the trains were full.

So I was pretty irritated by the time I got home. And my daughter wanted to play. She was excited to see me. She wanted to take a bath and jump on my chest. And I could barely function I was so exhausted. Epp wanted to talk to me and I couldn't really react or respond. All I did was lie on the bed and wish I could somehow withdraw from all of these different demands and relax. Not do anything else - no other priorities here - just to breathe without thought for a few precious moments.

Even through the night I woke up every hour, knowing I had to rise at 4 am to write more for my issue. Work, you see, is often more important than family.

I wonder, will this be my child's impression of her father as she grows up. Of a guy that was fun on weekends but shuffled home every evening to pass out and groan on the couch? Yeah, everybody works hard I guess. And I work near a lot of hard workers in lower Manhattan that don't look so hot.

In some ways I feel I am denying her something. It doesn't feel good.

5 Comments:

Blogger Eppppp said...

Sa oled väga hea issipapa ja Marta kuulab su muusikat, kui sind pole kodus ;)

1:25 PM  
Blogger andry said...

regular problem, every real daddy has the same feeling and the same problem - where are the borders and limits. What is more important - a job to do and a wallet to full with money or family.

Try to find a balance.
Every day, Day after day after day...

Well, it's only my personal opinion, it's not a truth

1:18 PM  
Blogger Kaur said...

Justin, kurat, hästi kirjutad.

Ja meil on kodus vastupidine probleem. Kui mina tulen hilja töölt koju, siis tahme me Iidaga MÕLEMAD mängida ja mürada - ma olen ise öökull-inimene ja õhtuti energiline -, aga emme ei luba! Ajab meid mõlemaid magama :) Nii et minu laps mäletab mind kui keelatud maad, kellega muidu võiks mängida küll, aga ei saa, sest vanemad ajavad kogu aeg mingit nõmedat tudule-minemise-juttu.

:)

11:42 AM  
Blogger Anu said...

Oh, mulle jõudis ka praegu kohale, et miks ma olen küll püüdnud siin inglise keeles kommenteerida, kui Justin ometi eesti keelt oskab!

Mehed on nõrgem sugu, nagu ütleb eesti filmiklassika:) Emad, kes lastega päev otsa kodus on, pole õhtuks mitte vähem väsinud!
Ära mõtle väsimuse peale, võta vitamiine vm energiat andvaid toidulisandeid, nt. Q10.
Puhka koos lapsega, leia mõnusaid tegevusi, mis aitavad väsimust peletada. Lase tal näiteks endal juukseid kammida - jube mõnus:)Heida põrandale kõhuli ja lase Martal jalgupidi seljas käia - parim massaaž ja arendab ka lapse tasakaaluhoidmist.

2:24 AM  
Blogger Eppppp said...

Nonii, nüüd on Justinil veel üks koht, kust eesti keelt õppida ja lugeda.
Kui aru ei saa, küll naene aitab ;)

6:45 PM  

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